The Dance
by Captain Katie
Summary: Kathryn writes a letter to sisture. Voyager has return but its not the welcome they expected. Endgame never Happened


The Dance By: Katie  
  
My Dearest Phoebe  
  
I am sorry, I should have contacted you sooner but there was a reason for my silence and a reason why I left so suddenly. I know you must have a hundred questions that you would like to ask me and I am sorry that I cannot be there to answer them for you. I am sure that when I left you were hurt and maybe angry. I want to explain why I had to go and I hope that once I do. You will understand and forgive me.  
  
During the seven years, that Voyager was in the Delta Quadrant. I thought about you everyday, wondering if you were all right and whether I would ever see you again. I dreamed about the day when I would return to Earth and how happy I would be. I was certain that once I was home I would never want to leave, but the reality didn't live up to the dream.  
  
When we realized we had finally found a way back to the Alpha Quadrant, we were excited. Starfleet Command asked us not to attempt to contact our families saying that they would inform them of our return once Voyager had safely re-entered Federation space. They would arrange for us to be reunited. Away from the public attention that was sure to follow our return. Naturally, we agreed, we were grateful that Starfleet was prepared to help us keep our reunions private. Of course, I should have known that there was more to it than concern for our privacy.  
  
Two starships were waiting for us at the border. The greetings were polite but not welcoming. Captain Robek informed us that we were to be escorted to DS9 where representatives from Command were awaiting us. Seven hours later, we arrived at the space station, Voyager docked and the airlocks were opened. On the other side was our welcoming party, the Station Commander, Admiral Necheyev and thirty armed guards. Can you imagine how that felt? We had spent seven years struggling to get back home and when we finally made it, we were greeted like criminals. However, that was just the start of the nightmare.  
  
We were ordered to leave the ship that had become our home, the crew was separated, officers from crewmembers, maquis from fleet. Friends and families where torn apart. They even took B'Elanna's infant daughter from her, insisting that she stay with her father while B'Elanna was taken away with the rest of the former maquis.  
  
It started out with us just simply walking off the ship and then we where greeted by guards. Chakotay and I walked side by side hand in hand; he was on my left carrying Taya, followed by are loyal and most trustworthy crew.  
  
Then the Admiral step forward and said "captain we have to take the Maquis into custody, now you and your crew will be taken for questing". I didn't even notice until I heard Taya scream when one of the guards tried to take her from Chakotay. I tried to hold onto my family as they tried to pull Taya from his arms. When they managed to get me away from them, I ran after Chakotaty forgetting were one of the guards had taken Taya. The next thing I knew I was on the floor hearing Chakotay call my name.  
  
Now I know you're defiantly going to have questions. It all started out with me getting my fist command and given the orders to track down and capture the Maquis ship. My crew had tracked them down to a place known as the badlands, where few ships go. I did find them but there was a problem we where on the other side of the galaxy.  
  
That was when I met Chakotay the Maquis captain. With the Maquis ship destroyed, I knew that the only why for our two crews to get home was to become one crew with one goal trying to get home.  
  
I made Chakotay my First Officer and slowly over the first two years, the crew became one and I found myself falling in love with my first officer. However, there was a problem he was in my direct command. Protocol dictated that "no captain can enter a personal relationship within his/her direct command" I held fast to that protocol for two years. I guess it started sometime after New Earth when we we're left behind on the planet alone, together. You remember don't you? During are time their Chakotay convinced me, to let go of that protocol.  
  
Taya was born a year later; you would just love her she looks so much like her father. After she was born I married off twelve couples that year and they started there family's. I didn't say this early because you wouldn't understand and if word got out just how close the crew really was. Starfleet would never let us be together. Of course, there were other marriages and many children, so you see why hurt so much to hurt to tell you this, then we finally come home and look what happens. I wasn't allowed to see anyone; the questioning went on for days, endless probing into every detail of the ships logs, every action, every decision of the last seven years. Finally, it was over, and we were allowed to return to the ship. When it was over, I really looked at what I had lost over the years, my family, Dad and Earth.  
  
Seven years in the Delta Quadrant trying to get back to Earth, home, but when I was finally home. I realized that Earth was not home anymore, Voyager was. And to think I spend seven years getting home when I was already home on Voyager. Voyager was to return to Earth where we would receive an official welcome home from the Federation President and Starfleet Command. Our families had been informed of our safe return and would be waiting for us. They expected us to thank them, to be grateful, can you believe that? They had held us and questioned us with no explanation or reassurance, they had kept the news of our return from our loved ones, and they expected us to be delighted to shake hands with the President? And because of them, I thought I had lost my family, I hadn't seen Chakotay for days and thought I never would again and then he was returned.  
  
Chakotay and I acted as if we were good friends nothing more so Starfleet wouldn't break us apart. We went along with their plans, after all, we had no choice but to do so, but all we wanted was to go home, to spend some time with our families, catching up on the missing years and getting some well-earned rest. Starfleet assured us that once the official reception was over that was Starfleet had promised that our reunion with our families would take place in private and they were true to their word but that was the only aspect of our return to Earth that was free from the public gaze. News reporters and spectators from all over the Federation were waiting for us as we entered orbit. Voyager was given clearance to land in the grounds of Starfleet Headquarters, and the place was swarming with people and cameras all eager to witness the historic moment.  
  
The eyes of the Federation were upon us from the moment we stepped out into sunshine and they never left. Starfleet paraded us before the media and extolled our ability to "uphold the principles and honor of the Federation and Starfleet under the most testing of conditions". Starfleet wanted to originally put all of prison for our crimes, keep our children as far away from us as possible but they realized we would be more valuable to them if we went free and show us off to the media.  
  
Chakotay and I decided that it would be best if I took Taya with me to Indiana. I told him not to go but he said he would come back.  
  
Everywhere we went we where stopped and questioned, reporters waited outside our homes and followed us into restaurants. They pursued me when I came to Indiana and after six weeks, they showed no sign of losing interest. Not to long before me and Chakotay split up I marched into Admiral Necheyev office, throw down my four pins on her desk, and told her I was resigning and that Starfleet had ruined my life. But really, if it weren't for Starfleet, I would have never met Chakotay. But it still hurt and it was very lonely at the top for the first two years of our journey but then Chakotay was there and it started the most wonderful thing I ever had, I never thought I could be so happy and in love with anyone before then we come here and Starfleet destroyed it. That was when I knew I had to leave. I had lost control of my life, I needed to be somewhere where I could just be Kathryn, where Voyager and the Delta Quadrant could be left behind and I could find peace.  
  
I should have said goodbye, told you where I was going, but I was desperate to get away and afraid that if anyone knew where I was going I would be followed. And so when the opportunity came I left. Chakotay came to see me, he told me that he had found somewhere to go where he could escape from the public eye and he asked me to go with him, to start our life over again. I did not hesitate and we left Earth two hours later. That was five months ago and things This is a wonderful place, the people are warm and friendly, they care about those around them but they do not pry and question. When we arrived here, they welcomed us into their community and helped us to feel a part of it but they never asked us where we were from or why we had come. They take little interest in events outside their home world and nobody knew us here, or if they did, they didn't care. I have found the peace I was searching for and in doing so I have found love. Chakotay has been my strength and support for years, he has been my most trusted officer, my closest friend and love, but here we have had the freedom to explore our relationship and we have found completion in each other's arms again.  
  
I found out that the entire crew resigned. I don't think we will ever return to live on Earth, this is our home now, you know what the entire crew is now living here with us. Even Tuvok but without his wife he found that she was not at all the same women he left behind. The crew and I are a lot closer here and then we were on Voyager. I have taken control of my life again and found a happiness that I never dreamed was possible with this community, my crew, no family and Chakotay at my side I can never be defeated because with them I am strong, and will protected them at any cost. We look to each other for strength, love and kindness.  
  
I hope you can understand why I needed to leave, that you can forgive me and that you will come, visit us here, and see for yourself the difference in me now. Captain Janeway marched to Starfleet's tune for years, but now I am Kathryn and now I can dance. The dance is new and unfamiliar but I am content to follow Chakotay's lead. If nothing else Voyager's time in the Delta Quadrant taught me that life is a dance you learn as you go.  
  
Your loving sister, Kathryn 


End file.
